


Stripper Poles and Hammered Heads

by 2hyunlove



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drunk Texting, Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, Pole Dancing, Semi-nude selcas, sort of crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-01 03:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13286013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2hyunlove/pseuds/2hyunlove
Summary: Minhyun receives a random KKT message from a stranger who sends him drunk selfies of the almost naked sort... (that twitter prompt that your friends make you write for.)





	1. I'll Show You Mine Because You Showed Me Yours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [megatonbomb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/megatonbomb/gifts).



“Hello?”

//Hwang Minhyun, why isn't your ass here?// Minhyun can barely hear the accusatory tone of his best friend, Kang Dongho, because of the louder-than-normal music blaring through Dongho's phone, accompanied by whistling and cat-calling in the background.

Shit. Right, it's the day of Dongho's stag party. The party he'd helped organise with Daniel. Minhyun rubs his tired eyes and looked at the time. Well, double shit.

At Minhyun's silence, Dongho speaks up again. //You're still working on the Lehmann case and forgot, didn't you?//

Minhyun nods his affirmative, not caring that Dongho can't see it.

//At least show up for the last bit, Minhyun hyung! You're Dongho hyung's b-bed-best man! Come sal-sel-celebraid-celebrate his last days of freedom~// Daniel must just be slightly on the edge of drunk because the younger man is giggling like a teenager while screaming into Dongho's phone. Minhyun's seen enough of it to know that he should probably take over to make sure Dongho goes home in one piece or Dongho's fiance would never forgive Minhyun.

“Dongho, stop Daniel from drinking any more. I think he's had enough.” Minhyun tells Dongho mildly while he quickly packs up his laptop and walks out to the elevator.

//You're telling me. He's so out of it, he's been egging on some of the others to take the stage.// Dongho says, his infectious laughter punctuating the sentences as if Dongho's seen something amusing while talking to Minhyun. //He might actually successfully get one up there.//

“You're surprisingly sober for the man of the hour.” Minhyun teases Dongho. “Not having any regrets before the ol' ball and chain shackles you down?”

//I'm a happily caught and shackled man. You know that.//

“That I do. And I'm happy for you, man. You know I am. I'll see you in 30 minutes. I'm catching a taxi now.”

//See you in this madhouse. Try not to faint with shock.// Dongho snickers.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Minhyun is in the taxi, resting his eyes when his phone goes off in quick succession with the familiar Kakaotalk message tone. Swiping to the application, he sighs at what he finds. At least ten pictures of drunken group selcas floods the group chat Daniel had set up, each one progressively and disturbingly showing more and more skin.

“Are they playing strip poker or some shit in the bar?” Minhyun murmurs in dread to himself, scrolling through drunken pics, shaking his head. He's in the midst of scrolling through the persistent Daniel's updates when an unknown message comes through from a Katok ID he's never seen before.

While Minhyun would normally never answer or open an SNS message from some buttdialer or random stranger, being inundated with group selcas of his drunken “friends” makes him a little brave for some reason, so what the heck, right? What can possibly go wrong when this random stranger has a wartortle as a profile picture.

It's probably a random photo of a Pokemon, (or a lot of Pokemons, because Katok just keeps chirping at Minhyun while he briefly considers it) which quite frankly would be quite a healing sight compared to Daniel's deluge of drunken debauchery. Minhyun opens the message, his eyes squinting at the low light picture at first before they grew to rounded circles, Minhyun's pupils dilating as he stares at them. 

Mr. Wartortle did not send Pokemon images. Mr. Wartortle sent a ton of sexy, revealing photos of near nakedness that is currently overloading Minhyun's brain. Minhyun double-taps the photo to look at it more closely, for purely objective reasons (of course). Minhyun's mouth goes dry as his eyes roam across a sleek, lightly toned chest glowing with sweat, his mouth hanging open at the pert firmly toned ass and hip bones exposed by dangerously low-riding pants.

Minhyun's tongue darts across his lips as he keeps on scrolling through the other pictures. He'd been wishing that Mr. Wartortle would at least look mediocre but succeeding pictures reveal pinkish lips swollen by the amount of alcohol he's ingested, nicely styled hair that shows off perfect eyebrows and damn him, Minhyun's downfall, expressive eyes full of mischievous amusement as said man is caught on camera winking and tugging his tie looser, the tie's fate almost certainly joining the dress shirt that is nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, Minhyun's pants feels two sizes too tight and he's wondering what would be a good icebreaker in this strange situation. 

I'll show you mine because you showed me yours? Might be too much for an introductory statement. Hmmn.

He's still sorting through witty statements he could use to rope Mr. Wartortle in when the taxi driver turns to look at him with an impatient look. “Hey Mister, we're here.”

“Huh?” Minhyun responds brilliantly, eyes still glued to his phone.

“We're here, Mister.” The taxi driver repeats with an impatient voice.

“Oh?” Minhyun says, looking up at the blinding lights outside, he realises that they've arrived at the club. “OH. Sorry about that.” Minhyun says, pulling out his wallet and passing the driver a few bills. “Keep the change and thanks.”

Minhyun slides out of the taxi, throwing his phone one last look of regret as he trudges towards the club entrance. It would have to wait until after Dongho's stag party.


	2. Don't stop the ride, I don't want to get off...yet.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who MInhyun sees inside the strip club, dancing in front of all his friends and then some?

“Good Evening, Sir. Do you have a reservation?”

“Yes, Kang Dongho's party?”

“Ah, over in the right alcove, Sir, near the front stage.”

Minhyun nods his acknowledgement and weaves through the tables filled with people. He makes his way to where he could see glaringly pink hair bouncing up and down excitedly. He could always count on Daniel's loud hair color to serve as a guiding beacon. The way to his friends is packed with danger, especially since it's after midnight and most of the people are already tipsy if not downright sloshed to their eyeballs. Minhyun did not want a random clumsy drunkard spilling their drink in his direction accidentally. NO ONE is allowed to stain his perfectly pressed suit with their smelly alcohol. NO ONE.

Dongho notices Minhyun before he reaches the party and beckons to him enthusiastically. “MINHYUN!! FINALLY!! OVER HERE.” 

There's a red flush to Dongho's cheeks and his eyes seem to be perpetually crinkled in amusement, indicating his tipsiness. Minhyun slaps him across the back, offering his congratulations before sliding into the seat next to the giddy bachelor. 

Minhyun motions to the waiter and orders a Greyhound on the rocks as he settles back and let's his friends' overly enthusiastic greetings wash over him for a few minutes, half-listening to the various anecdotes of the night while glancing at his phone from time-to-time. Various conversation snippets filter through, the loudest of them being Daniel's startled exclamation.

“Holy shit, he really did it. Oh my God, Minki hyung, are you filming this?” Minhyun hears Daniel giggling and excitedly back-hugging someone seated near Dongho's right hand as he idly sips his drink.

“You bet your ass I am. He is never living this one down.” Minhyun recognises one of Dongho's childhood friend's, Choi Minki, if he recalls. Sliding his eyes to the right gives him a clear view of Daniel and Minki grinning from ear to ear, the smaller man has his phone trained on the stage. He wonders what on earth could amuse the formidably scary man as he hears Minki snickering mischievously. “He didn't even want to come. If Dongho didn't pull the guilty act on him, he'd still be in his PJs at home. And now this...” Minki cackles.

Minhyun mentally prays for the other man. Who knows what sort of horrors awaited the poor soul when Choi Minki has blackmail material on him. Minhyun knows because Minhyun had mistaken Minki for a woman once and the fierce verbal abuse he'd suffered through is burned into his memory. Minhyun threads very carefully in Choi Minki's vicinity. 

Minhyun is halfway through his drink, comfortably mellow now due to the alcohol, and half-listening to Dongho's drunken jokes when Sunmi's Gashina starts playing and everything is drowned out by the wolf-whistling and cheers. While he'd rather ogle Mr. Wartortle's pics than a stripper on stage, Daniel's constant 'Oh-my-God's make Minhyun curious enough to turn his gaze from Dongho to the stage, wherein his jaw proceeds to drop to the ground.

Undulating in the slowest, most sensual way possible, his hand lazily going down his chest, was the stuff made out of Minhyun's wettest dreams. The lifelike replica of Mr. Wartortle is dancing on the stage, except the dress shirt seems to have found it's way back to it's owner, and...being taken off again with lazy, slender fingers as he rotates his hips in time to the music, eyes half-lidded and tongue running slowly across already wet lips.

Minhyun's eyes glaze over when the dress shirt finally frees itself from his owner and is tossed seemingly carelessly, but lands perfectly on Daniel's head, the mischievous smile Minhyun had fallen for in the pictures, making an appearance again, thrown this time in Daniel's direction, making Minhyun throw his pink-haired friend a small frown before Minhyun's eyes are inevitably drawn back to the stage. The spare frame glistening in the stage lights is just too enticing, begging Minhyun's eyes to caress it.

“JONGHYUN, GO BABE!” Minki screams, nearly making Minhyun deaf. Minhyun's eyes narrow as he shoots daggers from them at Minki who does not even notice. He's mainly giving Minki dirty looks for making him deaf, of course, not because he just called Minhyun's Mr. Wartortle “babe”. Never mind that he's supplied a name for Minhyun to put on Mr. Wartortle's face, which helps immensely. Somehow, while cute for a nickname, “wartortle” doesn't fit right now. 

The scream encourages “Jonghyun” who makes a quick dash to the pole nearest him, wrapping his legs around it, using his momentum to twirl around the pole with his head back in a back hook spin. He continues to flip, twirl, and bend in interesting positions but what Minhyun thinks, essentially, is Jonghyun making love to the pole. 

“Jonghyun hyung looks surprisingly at home on that pole, Minki hyung.” Daniel shouts near Minhyun's vicinity. “Are you sure he works in I.T.?” The name makes Minhyun's ears perk up. He sidles closer, nonchalantly, to listen to more information, even as he doesn't take his eyes off the stage.

“Oh, you didn't know, Niel?”  
Minhyun heard murmurs of how many of their other mutual friends also did not know.  
“Well gather around, kids, as Big Brother Minki dishes out the dirt on good ol' butter-won't-melt-in-his-mouth-angelic-responsible-senior Jonghyun.” Minki says grandly. “It wasn't exactly a secret though. Just no one ever asked him so that's probably why you all didn't know. It was his part-time job when we were in Uni. Remember how he was a scholarship student? Jonghyun said stripping paid so much more than three part-time jobs anywhere else.”

Minhyun tunes out most of the conversation after because it's mainly Minki talking about how the others shouldn't take people on face value and Minhyun has better things to do than listen, better things like keep his attention on stage.

When the song winds to a close, Minhyun is surprised to see Minki near the stage, pulling Mr. Wartortle down in the midst of Wartortle smiling delightedly and waving at everyone cheering for him. Wartortle sways on his feet, stumbling a little, almost certainly drunk, as he drapes himself over Minki's back, his chin hooking into Minki's shoulder as he allows the other man to drag him back to their table.

“Minki~ I wasn't done. I want to dance s'more.” The cute whinge is delivered in a slightly raspy voice which Minhyun surprisingly finds, vibrates pleasurably all the way to his toes in a way that Minhyun could get used to. 

“Oh, you are sooo done, Jonghyun.” Minki snickers, “Trust me, you'll thank me tomorrow.”  
“For what?”  
“For...” 

Lady Gaga's “chandelier” interrupts the conversation and after a murmured “for fuck's sake, right now? For real?” from Minki, Minhyun finds himself with an armful of Jonghyun, carelessly dumped into his lap. “Here, uh, whoever you are, take care of him for me while I take this call.”

Minki doesn't even wait for Minhyun's agreement, walking away, already talking into his phone. Minhyun's eyes follow Minki's retreating back in disbelief, unable to protest as his brain is still deciding whether this was the worst thing to happen or the best windfall of his year. He breaths in deeply to steady himself before he turns his eyes on the man in his lap. In the space of Minhyun's disbelief and acceptance, said man has curled up comfortably in his lap, his slightly sweaty still-half-naked chest leaning into Minhyun's suit. 

Minhyun's brain is screaming internally, because sweat on his Armani suit, would RUIN it, even the dry cleaners would have a conniption when he brings it in, not to mention how expensive they'd charge him to bring it back to a perfectly pristine condition, if that's even possible, what is he going to...

“Hello.” His internal monologue is interrupted by liquor-laced breath and curious eyes, just centimeters away from his own, their noses almost touching as the other man blinks owlishly at him. Minhyun slowly realises that there are two arms hooked around his neck.

“Uh, hello.” He replies back stupidly as he leans back a bit, it's just a little bit too close for comfort. Minhyun isn't ready for this kind of contact yet. Or the slow gyrating motion that Mr. Wartortle is now making on his lap.

Wait, what?

Slow, tight, delicious circles...on his lap.

WHAT?

Minhyun's brain short circuits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And...THE END. No? Sure? Because this is escalating to a point I wasn't anticipating oTL
> 
> I feel like I rushed it a bit so I'm sorry. oTL 
> 
> Also, probably not as exciting as I'd promised last chapter. AH WELL. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Author's Note:**

> Notes:
> 
> 1\. The original prompt in twitter:  
> "Jonghyun getting dragged to a club and ends up taking non-stop shots. His drunk self being stupid and was like “lemme take a nude picture because yes” and he sends it to someone he doesnt know, where Jonghyun may or may not have sent a nude picture to a stranger while drunk ‘,:^)"
> 
> I'm sorry I can't credit the original prompter because I've deactivated Twitter ;0;
> 
> 2\. My mind got stuck in the logistics of "how is it possible to send nude pics to a random stranger when it's easier to pick an existing name off your contact list to send to, especially when you're drunk" conundrum. So if you're thinking the same, welcome to the club, let's sit down and ignore this logic for the (questionably) fun, fun ride that I'm taking you on. ALL ABOARD!
> 
> 3\. Supposed to be a Christmas gift to Cel but really had a hard time writing in the holiday season so... CEL, WHERE IS MY PR***T FIC 8D (now lemme creep off to think about nielbugi fic I still owe zoe oTL)
> 
> 4\. Before anyone asks "What do you mean stripper poles?", you'll just have to wait and see. 8D


End file.
